Corporal Punishment

Over dinner last night some friends and I had a short discussion on corporal punishment. It was a short conversation because this is a sensitive subject, especially because I love my friends and we don't share the same opinions on this topic.

Here's the scoop on the subject: As a parent, I see something very wrong with hitting a child in order to express your disagreement with something they have done or said. I am hitting you because you hit Johnny and you shouldn't do that. I am hitting you because you are whining/ throwing a fit (you fill in the blank) and this is not a good time or place. Hitting a child simply does not teach them long term discipline, respect or empathy for others. See this article on Gentle Discipline for some alternative ideas to teach discipline that avoid corporal punishment.

Read this article on Undermining General Beliefs about Corporal Punishment. This was linked from the API (Attachment Parenting International) Blog and it reflects my thoughts exactly.

And to address the whole spare the rod spoil the child nonsense that is often used as an excuse to hit your children... shepherds didn't use the rod to beat their sheep - and children are certainly more valuable than sheep. I am by no means an expert on the bible but what I do know is that Jesus preached gentleness, love, and understanding.

With all this being said, I have realized over the past year of parenting our little Muffin that sometimes the rules/ ideas that we think will be best just don't end up working for us. I truly cannot think of a scenario where I would feel like Yes, this is a good reason to hit my child. Hitting her will really teach her a lesson.

In parenting, I've learned never say never. I guess that means I can say with 99.9% certainty that I will never use corporal punishment.

What are your thoughts on the subject?

Being Present in the Moment

Many in today's society are guilty of being on their phones a little too much- texting and/or answering a call while at dinner, pretending to be listening to someone while glancing at their phones to check for an email. We all know this is extremely bad etiquette, but it goes beyond that. I have to admit that I was among those people until sometime last year when my life coach and I started talking about the importance of "being in the moment."

I had come into her office for an appointment and I was fuming over a rude email that someone had literally just sent me. The first few minutes of that session were wasted as a read the email to her from my phone and talked about what it meant. Ok, so I am paying a life coach to help me with specific things that we had already outlined. Instead of taking real advantage of the time I had with her, I was allowing this email to interfere. Why do I need be available to everyone at all times and answer every email immediately? Although it never really occurred to me before that breakthrough moment, I don't. I don't have to. I can ask for people to be patient and respect my time and they will. After thinking about what that meant, logistically, for my personal and professional life, I canceled the media bundle on my blackberry. Ahhhh... sweet freedom.

As I have continued to do more personal work in my life, I have also found that severely limiting t.v. and other media consumption is a good thing as well. Instead of the whole family gathering together and sitting in front of the television, why not turn it off? That might give you the opportunity to talk about something you wouldn't have otherwise. Maybe you could pull out a board game and have some interactive fun with your loved ones.

Since I have eliminated many of these type of distractions in my life, I am now free to be more present in the moment and enjoy the people around me. Am I always good about this? No, not always. One of my action steps for 2010 is to limit my Facebook time to once daily for a maximum of 15 minutes. It's so easy to allow yourself to be consumed with things in life that do not matter. I encourage you to look at what those things in your life are and correct it.

For some more info on this topic in relation to parenting, read today's API blog post called "Fully Present"

Lessons Learned During the Christmas Season

Of course, if you are a Christian, it is important for you to make sure that your children know the real meaning of Christmas- the story of the birth of our Lord and Savior, Jesus Christ. Aside from that, there are also many other lessons to be learned during this season. In particular, I have given some thought to the messages we communicate, either verbally or non-verbally, about financial responsibility and the need for "things" in our lives.

I cringe at the thought of standing in line for hours to get the "IT" toy for the year. I feel bad for the parents that actually do that. I know parents want to make sure their little ones have a wonderful Christmas and I do too. But let's stop and think about the messages we may be conveying to our little ones by getting them lots of expensive things. Is it telling them "I need lots of "stuff" to be happy?" or "I have to have the coolest gadget to keep me occupied?" or "My parents buy me expensive things because they love me." Or perhaps a younger mind might think "Santa Claus brings me nicer, more expensive gifts the more well-behaved I am."

Now, I am not in any way implying that it isn't acceptable to indulge your child every once in a while with a cool toy that you have to save up to get. I am just encouraging people to think about what messages we are communicating to our children through our actions over a period of time.

Muffin is still very young and has plenty of toys already. Our house is small and we literally cannot buy lots for her; we just don't have the room to fit anything else! I have bought her a few books that will be wrapped under the tree. Luke is planning a gift for her too, although I'm not sure what he has decided on yet. Needless to say, we are not breaking our budget this year and will not any other year. When she is old enough, we will probably do crafts and bake goodies as gifts, and maybe even an annual charity, like Angel Tree, or serve meals to the homeless. Simplicity is key here. Giving to others is kind and it's fun, but it doesn't require spending much money.

What lessons are important for you to teach your children this time of year? What special traditions have you started to reinforce family bonding or teach lessons?